Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
