Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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