Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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