Just fell off a train. Bad.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
