I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
