you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
