I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
FUCK WHALES
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