so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
only you would photoshop your dick
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
