I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
