I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
