watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
