I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
