I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
