You smell like stripper and shame
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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