I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
