In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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