ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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