I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
