I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
