and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
