Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize