Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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