I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
