Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
