That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
