All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
