i jhust puked up my retainher.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
