I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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