didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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