Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
