I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
