he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
