dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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