im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
