Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
