i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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