I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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