We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
