I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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