respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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