I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't deserve a penis
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
