That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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