After last night, I could never be a politician.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
