I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
