You're completely useless in the revolution.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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