I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
