I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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