$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
