You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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