YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
cat food counts as protein by the way
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize