I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
