She is in my trunk
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's official drugs can't kill me
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
