You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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