my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
