And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
