Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
