If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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