:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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