but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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