I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
