once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
