I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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