he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
it glows. i had to have it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
