yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
