It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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