somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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