3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
