If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
