I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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