I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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